Jamboree
by Meer-Katnip
Summary: It's the party of the millennium. And you- yes, you - are invited. Featuring everyone.


**Jambo!**

**Yeah, this is me, writing a celebration fic for myself. Because this is my 50****th**** story! Apologies for my gratuitous author insert. I tried to include all the companions, as well as a few others. Hope I succeeded!**

**This is utter crack.**

**No, I have no idea why everyone's here in the first place.**

**_Notes on characters:_****Benny**** (Bernice) is a character from the Expanded Universe, as is ****Iris****. Let's just say that they both are heavy alcoholics.**

**Erimem****, ****Evelyn****, and ****Hex**** are all characters from Big Finish. So are ****Charley****, ****C'rizz**** and ****Lucie****, as well as a few others I can't be bothered to mention. ****Frobisher**** is a shapeshifting penguin. Don't ask. ****Panda ****is… uh, a panda.**

**This Time Round**** is a fanfic universe in which Nyssa is… uh, homicidal, psycho, and kills Adric as often as possible. Don't worry about it too much.**

**The ****CIA ****(Celestial Intervention Agency) is an organization from the spin-off audio 'Gallifrey'.**

**Kevin**** the Robot dinosaur is canon! At least, in comics.**

**Ramsey**** and ****Margaret**** were both Vortisaurs (pterodactyl time-things) that Eight kept as pets.**

**If you enjoyed this stroll into general insanity, please leave a review!**

**~Kitty**

* * *

Inside the locked room at the end of the corridor, plans were brewing. Plans that involved streamers and party poppers, and stupid paper hats that everyone would hand out, but no one would actually wear.

In the middle of it, Sarah-Jane Smith stood with a clipboard and a pencil tucked behind her neatly arranged hair, directing people around.

"Zoe, take the fish fingers and custard to the kitchen. The Doctor won't eat it unless it's heated up."

Zoe saluted slightly mockingly, and trotted off to carry the order out.

"Peri, dear, would you mind blowing up these balloons and putting them up around the room?"

The girl in question shrugged and took the box of balloons over to a corner. "Can Erimem help?"

"I don't see why not. Susan, do you know where Iris has got to?"

Susan twirled around as she passed. "I think she and Benny found the TARDIS wine cellar. Don't think we'll see them for a while."

Sarah-Jane rolled her eyes. "I suppose not."

"We should drag them out of there once they've passed out," suggested Susan. "Otherwise they'll wake up and start all over again."

"Good idea. I think you can take care of that. How's Evelyn going with the catering, by the way?"

"She's determined to make all of the cakes chocolate. We had to spend about an hour convincing her to add jelly babies."

Sarah smiled. "But it _will _be delicious."

"Agreed. I think I'd better go pull Bernice and Iris out of the wine cellar now."

"Off you go, then. Charley?"

"Yes?"

"Where's Ace got to?"

"She's preparing the firework display."

"Oh… dear…"

"My thoughts exactly."

Sarah sighed, and began walking towards the door. "I'll go and nip that in the bud. I'm sure you can take care of things here for a bit."

Charley glanced towards the corner, where Oswin Oswald was attempting to teach a group of Daleks a party chant.

"No-no-no- it's 'two, four, six, eight, who do we _appreciate'._"

"EX-TER-MIN… ATE?"

"Appreciate!"

"EXTERMINATE."

"_Appreciate._"

"EX-TER-MIN-ATE!"

"Oh, why do I even bother…"

Adric sprinted past Charley, screaming loudly. His hair was on fire. Donna, working on the electrics, spun around and stared. "Okay, should I even ask?"

Adric crashed out through the door, and Charley rolled her eyes. "Nyssa got replaced with homicidal psycho!Nyssa from This Time Round. Don't worry about it. He'll come back later."

Donna nodded seriously, and turned back to her work, tucking a stray strand of ginger hair behind her ear. "Romana's arriving with the rest of the CIA later, by the way. It should get interesting by then."

Charley sighed. "Oh, I'll bet. Leela's either going to threaten to rip Jack's throat out, or fall madly in love with him and elope by morning."

"And then Narvin will accidently end up in a kinky threesome," Donna completed. "Always happens."

Panda ambled past, with a chicken on his back.

"Frobisher's here," said Donna, after looking at the chicken for a second. "That means the rest of the Expanded Universe characters are. So, that means… Izzy and Destrii?"

"And a whole host of others. Excuse me, must dash. Things to attend to."

"Bye," said Donna, half-distracted. "Oh, hi, Hex. How's the fireworks thing coming?"

"Not good. We can't drag Ace away. I think Amy had to intervene with a cricket bat. How's Rory?"

"Dead, again."

"That's a shame."

"Oh, don't worry. He'll come back before the party starts."

"Fair enough. I can take over if you want a break. Some of the Doctors are having a tea party in the kitchen, I think."

"That Northern one with the jacket, is he there?"

"Yeah."

"Sure, I'll go. See you around."

"Bye."

Up on the main stage, things were warming up. Fitz was tuning up his guitar, and Rose sang some scales into a microphone.

"Didn't know you could sing," said the Doctor with the brown trench coat, leaning on the base of the stage.

"I can't," Rose shrugged. "But apparently my actress can."

In the background, Jamie pulled out his bagpipes, and was immediately tackled to the ground by Lucie Miller, who had spontaneously decided that it was _so _not a good idea.

Dodo skipped over to the piano, and began to play a lively tune while Steven sang along.

"It's becoming a right old party, isn't it?" mused Jo, perching herself on a high railing. Liz leant on it next to her.

"The rest of UNIT might turn up."

"Oh, good! I can't wait to see the Brigadier dance!"

Liz may have choked slightly.

The Doctor with the Panama hat and the question-mark jumper bounded up onto stage, brandishing his spoons.

"_NO,_" everyone chorused together. The Doctor slumped a bit, and slunk off stage.

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Mel was trying to (very sneakily) replace all of the fizzy drinks with carbonated carrot juice. It wasn't going well, mainly because every time she tried, Tegan hit her over the head with an oversized banana that one of the Doctors had left lying around.

Martha and the Doctor with the beige cricking suit watched this happily, each sipping at a cup of tea.

"It's nice to see her hitting someone apart from me for once," remarked the Doctor.

Martha added milk. "Don't tell Mel this, but I really hate carrots."

The Doctor with a crushed-velvet suit and way too many ruffles swung into a spare seat. "It turns out that Kevin is making an appearance."

"What, the robot dinosaur?" asked Martha incredulously. "Whose idea was that?"

"My twelfth incarnation. I'm blaming him for any collateral damage."

Martha's head hit the table. "God. I'm not sure if this is going to be a complete success, or a total disaster."

The younger Doctor patted her hand sympathetically. "If all else fails, you can probably retreat to the TARDIS or something."

Ben stuck his head through the door, with Polly right next to him. "Sarah says _she's _coming. We'd better hurry up and hide."

Everyone grumbled, but stood up, and made their way into the main room, heading towards curtains and ducking under tables to hide.

Ramsey and Margaret flew up to perch in the rafters. C'rizz faded into the background.

There was utter silence, and Clara turned out the lights.

The door creaked open, throwing a thin beam of yellow into the room.

"Hey," said a female voice. "Why's it so dark in here…?"

"_SURPRISE!_" everyone roared, bursting out from their hiding places.

The author screamed a bit, and fell backwards out of the room, reappearing five seconds later. "Don't _do _that!"

She then seemed to realize just how many people were in the room. "Hey- is _everyone _from the Whoniverse in here?"

"Uh-huh," said Compassion, crossing her arms.

"_Wicked,_" she breathed. "What's the party for?"

The Doctor with the multicoloured coat that was probably a crime against fashion on several million worlds checked a list. "Apparently it's your 50th fanfiction. Congratulations."

She blinked. "Alright then. And you're throwing a party… for me?"

The band struck up a jazzy tune, which everyone took to mean 'yes'.

"Okay," said the author, shrugging. "I guess you won't mind that I brought guests, then?"

Sarah Jane tilted her head. "Who?"

"_EVERYONE ON FANFICTION DOT NET!_"

The door burst open and thousands of people flooded in.

The Doctor with the scarf fainted.

"You're welcome," the author said smugly.

Everyone cheered, and the party _really _got started.

All of the Seventh Doctor's companions were dancing in a tight group. Raine had changed into a pink dress for the occasion, and Benny was indeed _very _drunk.

Ace, having finished her work with the fireworks, was flirting with River in the corner, who seemed more amused than anything else.

A bunch of fangirls had cornered the Doctor with the bow tie, and were poking him and ruffling his hair.

"It's _real!" _one of them exclaimed incredulously.

He scowled.

Some of the other people from Fanfiction knew how to play various musical instruments, and had joined the rest of the canon characters to launch into an enthusiastic rendition of 'Blink' by Chameleon Circuit. Rose picked up the lyrics quickly and provided a stunning vocal.

Sally Sparrow herself sat nearby with a cup of carrot juice, nodding along.

The Shalka!Doctor was skulking in the corner, with his seemingly-permanent scowl plastered on his face. The author ran over and poked him.

"Cheer up!" she yelled over the guitar solo. "It's a _party!_"

All of the various incarnation of the Master were clustered around Missy, who appeared to be dancing seductively. She was probably drunk.

Osgood was dancing too.

Next to Missy.

And since that image is so disturbing, we're moving right along.

The Cybermen were doing the 'robot' .

One of the Doctors was doing the 'drunken giraffe'.

Iris was doing her best impression of someone who had passed out drunkenly on the stairs.

The kitchen double doors opened, and Ian and Barbara struggled out, hefting a huge cake between them. It was massive. Big enough to feed everyone in the room.

"I must say, Evelyn's outdone herself," commented Harry Sullivan. "Well done, old girl!"

It was in the shape of a massive TARDIS. The author was shoved up to the front, and a knife pressed into her hand. She stared at it for a moment.

"Are you sure giving her a knife was the best idea?" asked Mickey under his breath.

"_Negative,_" said K9. "_We went through with it anyway._"

The author waited for another moment, for suspense, then grinned, and sliced deeply into the cake.

Ace's fireworks appeared to have been stored _inside _the cake. So, when it was cut into… they went off.

Half of the people looked delighted. The other half looked terrified/annoyed

The musicians struck up a fast and peppy version of the Doctor Who theme song. The Doctor once again stepped onto the stage with the spoons.

This time, everyone let him play.

Another version of the Doctor whipped out his recorder and joined in. And everyone else began to sing along. In most cases, badly.

And to the accompaniment of fireworks going of overhead and the two Vortisaurs screeching in the rafters, fangirls and canon characters alike sang the basic equivalent of their national anthem.

It was sort of awe-inspiring, in a way.

Later on, everyone clustered around a table, making various speeches and toasts.

"To running for our lives!" proclaimed the author, holding a wine glass high.

"You're underage," pointed out the Doctor in the Byron-esque getup, somewhat dryly.

"It's berry cordial," she said, glaring.

"To adventures!" cut in Madame Vastra before the arguments could get out of hand.

"To laser monkeys!" Strax said cheerfully. Jenny poured a bucket of cold water over his head.

"To fanfiction!" cried a writer, and the rest of the authors and readers agreed loudly.

"This is great," murmured the author. "Complete chaos. I love it. Wait. This is my house, isn't it?"

"Yes," said the first incarnation of the Doctor. "We thought you wouldn't mind."

The author's eyes bugged out. "Uh. I don't. But I think my mother will."

Utter silence swept the room as the door opened once more.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

"Uh," said the author. "Um. Mum, I can explain…"

* * *

**The End**


End file.
